(sent by Obade from NYC)
OK, I’ve been quite silent lately. One reason is that I’ve been busy (in my real life, you know, with my real job and those sorts of things –yeah, contrarily to popular belief, my job is not to maintain this blog; I wish it was, but let’s admit it, the pay sucks).
Another reason is because the next question in line (yeah, I try to answer questions in the order in which I get them) has been puzzling me since the very first time I got it a few months ago (yes, I’m really behind, I know). First, I thought about simply ditching it, but then there were a few parts that I deemed somewhat interesting (at least worth sharing with you). Also, I don’t see how I can really answer those questions without being at best patronizing and at worst a total jerk…
So here it is, unedited, in bold, with my comments here and there in it. Feel free to elaborate in the comments.
I’m thinking seriously about moving to France (probably Paris) in the not-so-distant future. I’ve been studying French for awhile and wouldn’t mind taking the chance. I intend to meet people and make friends and get a job. I’ve only studied the French language so I know next to nothing about the culture and I want to keep it that way. I enjoy extreme learning and I don’t mind struggling along. I went from 9 years on a farm in Virginia to 25 years in New York. Extreme learning is what I do instead of Sudoku and bungee jumping.
OK, people, rule number one when you’re thinking about moving to another country: do not do like her. Making a point in not learning the culture of a foreign country you’re interested in is not only nonsensical (how exactly can you be interested in a country if you don’t know its culture?) but one of the surest way to crash and burn once you move there if you end up doing it. And no, moving abroad is in no way comparable to moving from Virginia to New York City.
One area where I don’t want to take chances is romance. Just in case I meet a nice (hopefully uncircumcised) French fella, I need to know a few things. I’ve read that the French are relaxed about sex, but:
And this is where the weirdness starts. First, am I the only one that thinks that it’s totally messed to not only not want to learn beforehand about the culture of a country where one wants to move, but not want to take chances in love either?… I mean, isn’t love all about taking chances? Can you even love if you don’t take chances? And why do I feel like this blog is turning more and more into a dating advice blog? Oh and what the fuck is going on with that “hopefully uncircumcised” thing? (yeah, be warned, this entry won’t be as much a dating advice entry as a sexual advice entry – what in this blog led people to mistake me with a sexologist? I’m not totally sure yet).
1. Would it be customarily inappropriate for me to initiate anything from the first kiss to the first sexual encounter?
Have you read this blog before?
2. If I do initiate something, would that be considered as loose behavior, culturally?
I thought you didn’t want to learn about the culture? You wanted to do some… How do you call it? Oh yeah, “extreme learning”… Here is some extreme learning for you: initiate something, and see how it’s being perceived.
3. I am a monogamous female and would like to be in a serious, committed relationship with this “nice French fella”. “On average”, are French men interested in that sort of thing?
Seriously? Come on, everybody knows that French people are a bunch of promiscuous individuals that are only interested in orgies and meaningless random sexual encounters.
4. Have you heard or are you aware of any comments about how French men regard American women, particularly African American women? Should I prepare to be alone in Paris?
See there. (ok, sometimes some people ask questions that have already been asked, but in this case, let’s be fair, I received this current question before I answered the one that is linked)
5. If such a relationship is possible, how sexually uninhibited, by French standards, am I allowed to be and still be respectable when I come up for air? Would that expectation be considered silly American baggage? We have a saying over here that a woman should be a lady in public but a whore in the bedroom. How true is that statement in France? Understand, I’m trying to avoid being seen as an ACTUAL whore…unless a respectable businessman hooking up with an African American whore is a good thing in France.
At this point of the letter, yours truly is rolling his eyes and is slowly becoming speechless… But wait it gets worse:
6. I check out internet pornography occasionally. The French videos are probably 90% anal sex. Is that just for smut appeal or is that a French favorite? I do have a high pain threshold, but I’m still a little nervous.
See what I meant?
Because we all know that pornography represents reality, especially nowadays with such subgenres as gonzo trash… How old are you? I mean, you’d be a 12 years old virgin, I’d understand your question, but you’re at least 34 (9 years in Va and 25 in NYC)… Is your sexual life similar to what one can see in porn? If yes, no wonder why you’re afraid that people may confuse you for a whore… Actually I’m sure the sexual life of most prostitute has nothing to do with one can see in porn either, but we’re really off-topic now, don’t you think?
Oh and by the way, in case you all wonder, I have no idea where this “French porn is 90% anal sex” comes from. I’m not exactly a porn watcher, but I doubt that such a figure is realistic.
I’ve tried to ask my questions in a sensible way most of the time.
Sensible way? Wow, I wonder how you’re like when you’re not sensible…
These may seem like stupid questions to you, but I’m serious about this stuff so be gentle, s’il vous plait ;o)
Whoops, epic fail from my part on the gentle aspect… But come on, “gentle” doesn’t really match the contents of your questions. And no, “stupid” is not the exact term that I would use to qualify your questions.
Feel free to expound as much as you like…I need all the info I can get!
Well, at this point, I’ll let the readers do it.
More Questions Answered: